Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Because Tarzan isn’t real.
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Because we believe that something with low power will have less ability to register low pressure, makes sense.
Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough?
Don’t they just take it off when you get money, besides wouldn’t it go into your overdraft anyway?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Because they’re supposed to hit a specific target and don’t want to get killed on the way there.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Because people don’t really know how many stars there are but wet paint always looks kinda dry.
Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?
The ‘s’ wasn’t there until someone with a lisp said it.
What is the speed of darkness?
0 because darkness doesn’t exist it’s simply the absence of light.
Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours?
Because when babies are asleep they look really peaceful.
Are there specially reserved parking spaces for ‘normal’ people at the Special Olympics?
No because the same car parks are used during the ‘normal’ Olympics.
If the temperature is zero outside today and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Well the term twice as cold is ambiguous however if we take the hottest temperature possible and then take it down to 32 degrees Fahrenheit (0 Celsius) we can double that and work it out. I don’t know what the hottest temperature possible is probably when all particles turn into light, once I know that I can work it out for you.
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
Do a survey to find out.
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Because people are more interested in space travel than luggage.
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Because people like to pay for pointless things e.g. heat magazine.
Did you ever stop and wonder…… Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?’
Not really but after noticing the calfs were drinking it and doing fine they probably thought ‘When in Rome.’
Who was the first person to say, ‘See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s bum.’
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
So they can get rid of incriminating evidence. However I do like burnt toast with loads of jam on it’s the way to go.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Because lights are hotter.
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Because no one like pointing at their bum.
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Because there are other parts of the body he doesn’t need to see.
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
Because they’re not real.
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
No a moron is not a particle.
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Because they were both written by the same guy, or two different people without copyright.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
No, but words are very rarely formed in alphabet soup.
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Yes, it’s because dogs want air to blow in their face only at certain times, also you have bad breath.
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
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