If i got Left 4 Dead in Lesta

Maybe its because the day after i finished watching channel4’s ‘Dead Set’ the demonstration package of Valve’s ‘Left4Dead’ was released, but i think i could survive a zombie apocalypse in Leicester.

This is assuming a here and now scenario. I’m single with no kids and my parents aren’t amazing, so my will to live is reduced somewhat. however, should i wake up one morning and discover that people are dying, and becoming zombies, with constant acceleration, i would wake up to the thrill of surviving a challenging puzzle. Getting away from the heart of a populous city overruled by Zombies.

Daiye 1: it’s called Genesis cos every story starts with Genesis
I get up, has a shower, realise the water’s a bit dirty, stop having a shower, dry up, put on some clothes. Dark clothes, not cos i’m a strategic that way, just cos all my clothes are black. then i log on to Katie my lovely lovely computer and find out that the internets are slow, i’m a bit miffed, while i wait for the latest news on digg.com to load i wonder downstairs to get breakfast. my housemates Ed and Mikey are already up. theres no milk so i dont get cereal, theres no bread so i dont get toast. coffee!!!!!!! waters dirty but the kettle will sterilise it so i dont care. o wait. theres no coffee………..just kidding, theres plenty, look at this picture:

sorry it came out a bit grainy but my camera is japanese and automatically adjusts to the surrounding environment. anyhow, Ed woke up early and had nothing better to do this morning but play on the internet watching south park and closing pop-ups. He is a aware of the latest news, Zombies. he doesn’t believe it’s serious (could be the onion). i’m hungry so after my coffee i debate with myself whether i should go out and pay for a decent brunch or go and buy Bread and Milk. Bread and milk will last longer and will be cheaper so i put on my jacket (also black) and i rock and roll to Nats, the convenience store conveniently round the corner.

My Street is a quiet street, everybody stays in their houses, and because most of the front doors open into bedrooms the main door is the back door. any funny noises like this “mhhhmhmhaaaah” are quite normal, becos students like to have sex. i dont think twice about what the noise could be as i hear it. i see a man walking into headfirst into a wall again and again and intermittently rubbing it with his right hand, hes on the other side of the road though, and he looks like one of those guys that don’t like other people getting in their business, so i carry on. then there’s a bunch of kids crowded round another kid’s head eating his brains and facial features, they are normally there every day so i just nod, smile and carry on 😉

I enter Nats and it’s empty, it’s just opened. tho i do think it strange that there are no staff behind the counter, must be getting stock out from the back room! after picking up the bread and milk and drifting over to the till i look about for a store clerk. nope. i leave my items on the counter and wonder about to find someone. “Hellooooo?” no answer, i bust open the back door, nobody is in, the door further back is open, where the truck comes in to deliver the shiny products, i wonder out and see that the court is empty, except for some vomit. though, students live here and i know students like to vomit, so again i don’t think about it. in a rogue maneuver i count exact change for the bread and milk and leave it on the counter with a notes saying what i took, signed and dated by D.S.C.McClatchey!

the journey back home entails realizing that those kids were eating the other kids face. in my books this is not cool. i raise my voice “Good morning guys! what are you doing?” smiling so as not to offend, even tho they are kids. they look at me, covered in blood, and then go back to what they were doing. i imagine its just another form of racial abuse amongst the youth, and even tho this is normal in Leicester, i still decide to ring ring the police when i return home. as i continue pacing i look back to catch an image of those kids. it’s rather gross. then flying around the corner i just turned a man starts running at me screaming, he also has blood around his mouth. i stop and watch him run at me.

“dood, halloween was last week!” still smiling i am. then being the novel guy i am, i stick my arm out to clothsline him, funnily enough, and even though i was trying to clothesline him i didn’t expect it to work, he ran straight into my arm and fell over. i bend down to help him out. he fights back, he obviously doesn’t want my help. so after a minute of trying again and telling him that i’m willing to help with no dignified response, i carry on home.

inside i tell the lads what i saw. Mikey mentions that he has no signal on his phone, he was trying to contact his ladyfriend, i looks at my phone. no signal. i dial the 9’s anyway. Fail. Ed says “Oh yeah, David, there are Zombies outside!”

“Thanks Ed”

the rest of the day is spent plotting and scheming. we wont be so safe in the house tomorrow, so we have to move. we also check up on the girls house, there is a house of girls that we do know and care about. we take big sticklike weapons with us too. good tiems.

tune in for Daiye 2: McKlatch Pimps his Bag
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did the girls survive?

dunno, guess you have to wait for the next part!

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